I was ordained by West Ridge Church today. This is something that I have wanted to do for a long time, but for some reason when I started the ordination process I wasn’t very excited. I just kind of thought “eh, it’s just a church thing” like it was something that I would do just to gain credibility. I was wrong.

Today I realized how wrong I had been the first time that Brian (the Lead Pastor) prayed over me. In that moment I realized the power of a spoken blessing. I realized that ordination is much more than just the giving of a title, but it’s the support and blessing of God’s people. It is being sent out into the world.

I think this is why Jacob and Esau fought over of Isaac’s blessing, because a spoken blessing is a big deal.

This really makes me pause and think about the words that I am speaking over others. Just a thought.

This morning I was reading Numbers 14, which might be one of the most tragic and heartbreaking chapters in all of Scripture. The Israelites are poised to take the great land that God has promised to give them. They are wise, so they send spies into the land to find the strongholds, but when the scouts came back and all but two give a bad report the Israelites immediately doubt God and even wish that they could go back to slavery in Egypt.

They were on the edge of stepping into the greatest promise and blessing of their generation, but they shrunk back because of the rebellion of their hearts and their fear of men.

I’m sorry to say that I know how they feel. That’s very much where I find myself today, tempted to be selfish and to fear. We are planting a church. It is something that God has called us to do, something we are excited about, and something that is simultaneously thrilling and terrifying.

Throughout the last few months I have had several gut checks, times when my heart wanted to rebel against God and selfishly choose another path. There has also been fear. Fear that I won’t be able to provide for my family, fear that we will fail, fear that I am not strong enough, and most of all a fear that we will put our hearts and family on the line just to be crushed. Like I said, terrifying.

But, then I look at Israel, their selfishness, their lack of confidence in the promise of God, and their fear of men (because of their lack of confidence in God). Do you know what happened to them in Numbers 14? After they rebelled and turned from God, God told Moses what their punishment would be. Then, like a toddler with chocolate all over his mouth trying to convince mommy that he didn’t eat the cookie, they tried to reclaim God’s promise to give them the land.

Too little, too late.

They muster up the army and actually think that after their rebellion they can just walk into the promise land and take it over. Moses’ response to this gives me chills. Moses says, “Do not go up, for the Lord is not among you, lest you be struck down before your enemies.” God had removed His blessing, and taken away their ability to take the land.

Fortunately, you and I can learn from this tragic error. God has called me to plant this church. Its an unusual church, even for a church plant. But, God’s vision for the church is very clear, and His call to move into the land is very clear, and we are committed to walk in it, in spite of all the hardship and heartache.

We will not be selfish, and we will not fear anyone or anything but God. Over and over again I am seeing that when God calls you, He also provides for you. He has and will continue to provide for us.

So, let me encourage you. If God is calling you to do something great and bold for Him, don’t shrink back. Don’t be selfish or fear. Boldly step forward, follow His leading, and trust that He will take care of every need. Because He will.

I’m tall, so when I was a kid I played basketball. Sometimes I’m arrogant, so as a kid I had no doubt that I was the best on my team. And, when I played I was convinced that the other team feared me. But, there was one thing I just couldn’t seem to figure out…if I was so good, why wouldn’t anyone pass me the ball?

Now, looking back I have figured it out, I sucked. I had fooled myself. I was absolutely terrible.

I am becoming more and more aware of how easy it is for me to fool myself. I can make myself believe all kinds of ridiculous things. Know what I mean? As a kid I fooled myself into thinking I was good at sports. But now, as an adult, I fool myself about other things. Sometimes I try to make myself think that I’m being more productive than I really am. Sometimes I make myself think that I’m not tired so that I have an excuse to stay up playing xBox. I could go on, but instead I’ll get to the point…

One of the bigger areas where I tend to fool myself is in thinking about my spiritual life. When I was younger I would fool myself and think “I went to church this week, so I’m growing spiritually.” Or maybe, “I had a quiet time two days ago, so I’m still good.” Or even, “I’m ready to teach the Bible study, so I’m doing just fine.”

WRONG! Those are lies! I’m only doing fine spiritually until I am seeking after God with all of my heart, soul, and mind (or at least making a good effort).

So, I propose that we all need a spiritual barometer, so that we can measure how we are doing spiritually, and so that other people can easily see how we are doing. Otherwise we will just keep fooling ourselves, and fooling everyone around us.

For me (this is getting personal) the barometer is blogging. If I am writing about deep things, that means I am reading deep things and thinking about deep things. When this blog is silent, or just full of video clips, 90% of the time that means I’m being a slacker spiritually.

I’m telling you this because it holds me accountable. I’m also telling you this to encourage you to do the same: find your spiritual barometer and tell people about it. I dare you…

You may have already seen this, but its probably worth another look:

What makes me sad is that I have done this very thing spiritually, too often trying to look better than I really am.

I say… no more posers, no more faking, let’s share real life. Think about it.

I am a consumer. At times I’m a consumer out of necessity. But, too often I’m a consumer out of habit, envy, or selfishness. It’s only natural, right? We live in a society that is completely consumer driven. If every ad is geared toward me, and every business I enter just wants to make me happy, then why shouldn’t I just think about myself and buy myself nice shiny things?

Here is where the problem lies, businesses are about me because they want something from me, money. And lately, money is something that I don’t like to part with, mostly because of how little I have. So my choice is simple really, continue to consume at an unhealthy rate and go into debt, or confess my compulsion to consume and enjoy what I already have (which is a lot).

I confess:

• To wanting a new MacBook Pro because it’s cool, even though I have a 3 year old Dell that works perfectly fine for my present needs.
• To wanting an iPhone even though my current cell phone does absolutely everything that I need and more.
• To wanting a new pair of shoes even though I have at least 10 pairs in my closet that do nothing but take up space.
• To wanting to buy more books, even though I haven’t read the ones that I already have and should read.
• To wanting a new camera, even though the one we have works great.
• To wanting a new Tivo that records 2 channels at once because the one that records just one channel is lame (even though it works great, and I don’t need to watch any more TV anyway).
• To wanting a new guitar, even though I can’t play the one I have.
• To wanting more things than I can afford, for absolutely no reason at all.

It’s pathetic, I know.

This is where I am, and I am unwilling to be a pathetic, weak willed consumer drone that buys everything that I don’t need any more. Instead I choose to save money, pay off debt, and be free of selfish consumerism. I am convinced that even though this will not give me the immediate gratification that society tells me I need, in the end I will be far better off and much happier.

But, after thinking through all of this, here is the question that really haunts my mind. If I have been so consumer driven in my every day life, how consumer driven have I been in my spiritual life? I guess that’s a question to ponder….