I have been thinking a lot about how communication is messy. There is:

• What is actually said.
• What is heard.
• and What is meant.

And rarely do these three play well together.

I see this all the time with clients and friends, especially via email. They will often say (or write) something that sounds condescending, then I talk to them later and realize what they really meant. Or they will ask for something in an email, assuming I know where they are coming from when I often do not. So, in the midst of learning to better communicate with my clients, friends, and family, I have a few suggestions to improve this art.

1. When speaking don’t assume something about the person you are speaking to, if your assumption happens to be wrong, or even slightly off it will throw off everything you are trying to say and cause confusion.
2. When you are listening to someone, actually listen, don’t start formulating your response, half listening is the same as not listening at all. This is a good one to remember when talking to your spouse.
3. When listening, once the person complets their entire thought say, “This is what I’m hearing” and summerize what they said. Then ask if you are correct in what you heard. The conversation takes a little longer, but there will be no miscommunication happening. This is a good one when talking to the opposite sex, since men and women think so differently.
4. Assume the best in people. When talking to someone or reading a client email, don’t assume they are being condescending just because you read it that way. It is pretty likely that is your issue surfacing, not theirs.
5. Talk face to face when possible. Being able to see a person when speaking to them provides a lot of clarity about the heart behind what they are saying. If you can’t talk face to face, talk on the phone because voice inflection also helps bring clarity.

I confess, I know how to communicate well, but as my wife will tell you, I often don’t use that knowledge. But I’m working on it, and I hope you are too.

If you have been a follower of Jesus for long and are actively involved in a local church then it’s likely that it’s time for you to make some new friends. I know that is an odd statement to make, but think about it, I would bet that 90% of your friends are active followers of Jesus just like you. The reason is simple, it’s comfortable and easy to build community within the church. Most Christians start with building community within the church, which is a good thing, but they never get beyond the church, which is a bad thing.

We live in a culture where it is increasingly less permissible to speak into a person’s life without having a relationship with them. What that means for you and I is that the strategy of barely knowing someone and then asking them if they know Jesus is becoming less and less effective, meaning that we now need to get into the trenches, spend time with sinners and pour into their lives.

Think about the example of Jesus, He spent so much time with prostitutes, sinners and drunkards that He was called a wine bibbler by the religious right. He spent so much time with sinners that they mistook Him as one.

So, while I recognize that we have to be careful of the company that we keep in terms of how we are influenced by those around us, I firmly believe that Christians need to get out into the world and make friends. Go to non-Christian concerts, go to bars, go to the mall, go to the park. Meet people there, get to know them because you actually care about them and then share Jesus with them for that same reason.

Its time we got out of our comfort zones. Its time to go from 90% of our friends being Christian to 60%. It’s time to move out into the world and make an impact.

You can’t keep sinners and arms length and wrap them in the love of Jesus at the same time.

Last night I spent some time talking with a new friend about the different levels of relationships within communities and about how the deeper we go in relationship with one another, typically, the more we find the need to ask for forgiveness from one another.

I’m sure that statement seems off at first, but if you think about it, who do you typically offend the most, the people that you are closest to, right? You will have to ask for forgiveness from your best friend or spouse far more often than you will ask from it from your employer or another acquaintance. This is because with those we are closest to we are more willing to be ourselves, which also means that we stop trying to look good all the time and we let the ugly things in our lives loose.

I think this is a good thing. One of the things that has always bothered me about the many forms of church with which I have been involved is that the relationships within those bodies rarely go deep. I can think of only a handful of times that I have been in deep enough relationship within the church body to actually offend someone and need their forgiveness.

Of course, this is because we typically weren’t sharing life in those churches, we were sharing experience. We shared the experience of Bible study, of worship, of prayer, of evangelism, of missions and during that time some life would get shared, but never fully. There was always a wall of exposure that would not be crossed, a bearing of the soul that might begin, but never reach it’s potential to bring us into real, messy community. Sharing experiences simply is not the same as sharing life.

Now I find myself in an all together different situation, involved in a house church with a group of Godly men that know me well enough to read my mail pretty much any time they look at me. They know if I am pursuing God, if I am honoring my family, if I am serving my wife, or if I am just being selfish.

Ultimately within the body we have to become close enough to one another so that we can offend one another and forgive one another. When this happens our level of community takes another step toward being a complete and unified body of believers.

If we aren’t arguing occasionally, then we are probably missing something….

I know that you are probably baffled by the title of this post. What could possibly be good about paying more for gas? And, why? Well, I think there are several reasons. Let me frame my thoughts by saying that America has become a completely individualist, commuter society. Everyone has their own car, and everyone drives everywhere even when they don’t need to. I think this has had an unnoticed, negative, effect on our culture, and therefore I think we might all be better off by driving far less. Here are some of the reasons that high gas prices might be a good thing:

Environmental:

I realize that you might not buy into this whole “global warming” thing, but, true or not, there can be little doubt that our massive consumption of oil will have some sort of negative effect on the environment. From the smog that effects people’s health to oil spills to carbon emissions, I just can’t help but think that there is some negative environmental impact. So, if gas prices rise, consumption drops (as it already has), and the environment is better off.

Community:

Because we live in such a commuter culture we experience less and less community. When we go out to eat we get in a car and drive 5 miles to a restaurant we like. When we go to work we hop on in and commute for 20 to 50 minutes. When we go to church we even tend to commute between 5 and 20 miles (estimate) instead of going to the church down the street. So, everything that we do is entirely decentralized meaning that we pretty much never see, or connect with the people living 3 or 4 doors down from us.

If gas prices continue to rise, my hope is that people will start to center their lives closer to home rather than 5 to 20 miles away. I would like to see people walking places, to eat, to shop, to go to church, etc. My hope is that people might actually decide to stay home for a change and spend time on their street meeting neighbors and connecting with other people.

Family:

Families seem to be spending less and less time together. Again, its that individualist culture we have created, and I think in many cases it gets to extreme that even people within a family tend to be very individualistic. So, I have to wonder, what would happen if families couldn’t afford to drive as much? My hope is that families would begin to stay home, and that by doing that they would start to spend more quality time together and build deeper relationships.

Spiritually:

This goes hand in hand with community. Our spiritual walk is a walk best taken together. As the experience of community improves and as people begin to really rely on one another, then our spiritual walks intertwine as well and we grow together. Its life the old African proverb, “if you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together.” Our spiritual walk is not about speed, but longevity.

Please Note:

I realize the strain that gas prices are putting on families, in fact, my family is strained as well, but I’m trying to share the bright side here. In many ways, this could be good for all of us.

Any thoughts?

Also,  check  out this post by my buddy Britt. He’s a smart dude.

On Saturday we moved to Decatur. Man, it is great! Everything is amazingly close to our house, the neighborhood is great, and all of the people that we have met are cool. Then mentality of the people here is very different and so far (for the last 4 days) our lifestyle has changed.

We have walked to the park several times and every time we go the place is packed with young families that we can connect with. Today, after dinner, we decided we wanted some ice cream, so we popped the kids in the stoller and walked downtown to Jake’s Ice Cream for some home made ice cream goodness. The walk took about 15 minutes at an easy pace.

Now more than ever I am realizing how important it is to live among the people that we want to connect with. We have to get out of our Christian bubbles, outside of our Christian circle of friends, and away from our comfortable routines and comfort zones.

We must really live among the people, not just go into culture like gospel commandos on some search and rescue mission.

Starting a new church is tough, and there are tons of books with strategies that try to tell you how it should be done. One thing that I learned early on was to read less books and talk to more people, people that actually know what they are doing and do it well. In this process I have met some amazing men and women and have gleaned (stolen) some great ideas about how to do things in our church. And, recently, two of my ideas have been stolen as well.

I have to say, this is an honor. I’m not going to tell you the ideas, or the people that stole them, but I will tell you that I am proud to have had a decent idea that was worth replicating. I think that is what being Kingdom minded is really about, sharing ideas, learning from one another’s experiences, and sharing new an innovative ways to connect with our community.

Here’s to less reading and more relationships!

This Tuesday our Home Gathering was studying Nehemiah 12 and I was struck by the corporate worship in this section. Basically, the worship starts in the city when Nehemiah appoints two choirs. Then the choirs walk along the walls of the city, through every neighborhood worshiping, and end up in the house of God.

What struck me about this scene is that the worship didn’t start in the house of God, and might not have ended there either. But when the two choirs came together as one the worship crescendoed (increased in volume and intensity).

I think this is the best picture of what corporate worship should be that I have ever seen. When we come together to worship, the worship doesn’t start there, but rather it is the time that my personal worship joins with the worship of other believers and gains volume and intensity. It crescendos. Then, as we separate from corporate worship and go our own separate ways, the worship doesn’t stop, it just fades back to my personal worship.

One of our core team members, Scott England, described worship as a great symphony. Sometimes our worship is soft and low key, with lots of silence and prayer before the Lord. Then, sometimes we come together and the symphony of our worship crescendos into a great and loud song of praise. Later if fades back down to our attitude of worship and our love toward God. The worship symphony never stops, it just ebbs and flows getting louder and softer, more intense and more delicate. It is a continuous work of art, given continuously to a great God.