• What is actually said.
• What is heard.
• and What is meant.

And rarely do these three play well together.

I see this all the time with clients and friends, especially via email. They will often say (or write) something that sounds condescending, then I talk to them later and realize what they really meant. Or they will ask for something in an email, assuming I know where they are coming from when I often do not. So, in the midst of learning to better communicate with my clients, friends, and family, I have a few suggestions to improve this art.

1. When speaking don’t assume something about the person you are speaking to, if your assumption happens to be wrong, or even slightly off it will throw off everything you are trying to say and cause confusion.
2. When you are listening to someone, actually listen, don’t start formulating your response, half listening is the same as not listening at all. This is a good one to remember when talking to your spouse.
3. When listening, once the person complets their entire thought say, “This is what I’m hearing” and summerize what they said. Then ask if you are correct in what you heard. The conversation takes a little longer, but there will be no miscommunication happening. This is a good one when talking to the opposite sex, since men and women think so differently.
4. Assume the best in people. When talking to someone or reading a client email, don’t assume they are being condescending just because you read it that way. It is pretty likely that is your issue surfacing, not theirs.
5. Talk face to face when possible. Being able to see a person when speaking to them provides a lot of clarity about the heart behind what they are saying. If you can’t talk face to face, talk on the phone because voice inflection also helps bring clarity.

I confess, I know how to communicate well, but as my wife will tell you, I often don’t use that knowledge. But I’m working on it, and I hope you are too.

So I have been thinking more and more about the community of believers, the church. It is more than an organization, more than a group, more than a community, it is the Bride of Christ (and the body of Christ) that is only fully lived out in community.

So many people get caught up looking for God’s direction for them, I see it all the time, “what does God want for me?” They pray, they read the Bible, but they never talk to the rest of the Body of Christ about it.

The scripture is clear, we know it part and we prophecy in part (1 Cor 13:9). By myself I see a piece of what God has for me. I may see a big piece, but any way you slice it, I’m convinced it is only a piece. I believe that the brothers and sisters that make up the body of Christ hold the other pieces, and it is only through them that I can dream of coming into the fullness of who God wants me to be.

This is an unpopular idea in modern American Christianity because Americans are notoriously, unashamedly, and sinfully (confession on my part) independent.

The fact is, if we are seeking after the fullness of God, we must not only find him on our own during a “quite time”, we must also find him in the creation that bears His image and is being conformed into His likeness, namely the Church.

I need my church so that I can come into the fullness of who I am in Christ, I love that, I’m proud of that, I’m humbled by that.

When I think of Jerusalem I can’t help but think of Jesus walking the ancient streets and going up the southern stairs to the temple mount to pray. It is a city that I am connected to, a city that every Christian is connected to, a city of new peace. This morning I miss that city. This morning I am praying for the peace of Jerusalem.

It seems odd to me that we often lose site of what is most important considering how short life really is. I know I will be doing so priortizing after this weekend, can’t wait to spend some time with my family!

So, when Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment he quoted that. I’m pretty sure the Jews did a much better job of loving God (during the good times that is), within the law, than we can guess. Probably better than many Christians today in my estimation.

The Old Testament Law served  a purpose and should never be undervalued, as is often the case. A study of the Law will not place a believer in bondage, but increase our devotion as we recognize that Christ is the ultimate fulfillment of a very complex law. He is the perfection of it. The Law in the past was to point out sin and to bring a deeper devotion to God. The Law today should still do that for us, though we are not bound to it in the same way.

I hate to admit, but many pastors have failed me over the years. I have watched men I respect preach messages with clear non-biblical motives while sprinkling in just enough scripture to fool most people into thinking its a Biblical message. I have served pastors so wrapped up in themselves and their world that they lacked time and focus to really help in my development as a Christ follower and leader. I have had pastors that lacked any Kingdom mindedness because they were only interested in their small part of the world.

The truth is this. Pastors are still people, and people (all people) screw up and act selfishly at times. All pastors will hurt someone that they are trying to lead, that is an irrevocable truth. So, we must not put our hope in pastors, we must put our hope in Jesus. He will not fail.

It is good to have people that we look up to and respect. It is good to sit under sound Biblical teaching. However, our main source of inspiration to love God, our main source of learning about God and our main source of how we connect with God must always be God Himself. He is our source. There is no pastor or leader that can properly fill that role.

Pastors will fail you, Jesus will not. Follow Jesus.

My desk. Not pretty, but it works.

A good friend pointed out that this is the problem with American Christianity and after mulling it over for a little while, I’m inclined to agree. Which brings me to several questions and observations.

• How have we taken our relationship with our Creator so lightly that we have the audacity to choose to watch TV when we haven’t even said hello to Him all day?
• Why do we feel entitled to rest at the end of the day by spending hours being totally unproductive? Does productivity during the day mean that the evening must be unproductive? That is ridiculous, no one “deserves” anything, we are not entitled.
• Why do I have such an insatiable desire to be entertained all the time, to the point that I actually avoid silence? You might do this too. When is the last time you rode in the car without the radio on purpose?
• Is my desire for constant entertainment a reflection of how truly self centered I am at heart? Or is it a shield that keeps me from thinking too deeply and having to deal with some of the sin issues in my life?
• America’s addiction to entertainment is clearly unhealthy and will continue to lead us down a path that is very far from God.
• Christians should not forsake “secular” entertainment just too substitute it with “Christian” entertainment. The problem is not the message of the entertainment, but the medium itself and what it does to our thinking.
• Churches that focus their meetings on entertaining their people are doing their people a great disservice. Following Jesus has nothing to do with being entertained and everything to do with forsaking distractions to follow Him.

Thoughts?