Lately I have been thinking about how believers can connect with the people around them that don’t know Jesus. I will probably tackle this issue with some serious posts later, but for now, let’s start with a sarcastic post about how Christians can remain disconnected from people that don’t know Jesus.

Begin sarcasm…

1. Say “thank ya Jesus” as often as possible
   For this method to be truly effective the thanking ratio must be one thank you per 30 seconds of conversation. That way anyone that jumps into the conversation late in the game is still able to here it and feel uncomfortable.
2. Be so involved in church that you are totally out of touch with the rest of the world
   If Christians will just totally close themselves off from the world and become absorbed in the church (attending at least 5 times a week), then we won’t know what is happening in pop culture and won’t be able to carry on a conversation about trivialities such as politics, global warming, the economy, etc.
3. Use lots of “Christianeese” words that no one understands
   The words that top my list to use with non-Christians are principalities, fellowshipping, outreach, sanctified, heresy, rapture, end times, washed in the blood…
4. Remember that you are better than those heathens
   After all, you know Jesus and they don’t, that automatically makes you better, smarter, more moral, and better looking.
5. Always portray the “I’m right, you’re wrong” attitude
   Since Christians know the truth, we should use it to talk down to everyone else.
6. Put a Christian bumper sticker on you car and then cut some people off
   Even better, put a bumper sticker on there, and a fish! That way there is no question that people have been cut off by a Christian, after all, they can recognize the fish within the blur of break lights before they can read a bumper sticker.
7. Call your non-Church friends and ask…wait a second, you have no non-Church friends
   Having no friends that live outside the “Christian bubble” ensures that when you meet someone from the “outside” you won’t be able to connect with them.
8. Refer to everything non-Christian as being from, um …Satan
   Just like the Church lady on Saturday Night Live (pictured on right). It helps if you make the face too.
9. If it ain’t King James, it ain’t Bible
   If ever given the opportunity to share the Bible with a non-Christian make sure to use the King James, that way they won’t understand what you are reading anyway.
10. Be totally unwilling to listen to any differing thoughts, feelings, or points of view.
    If you come to the “discussion table” make sure to come with your ear plugs in, after all, differing points of view are just heresy anyway.

End sarcasm.

The sad thing is, I see these attitudes and actions all the time from well meaning, loving believers. I pray that God will open all our eyes and show us the goofy, sinful, things that we do that keep us disconnected from the rest of the world.

I’m sure I have missed some good ones, please share your thoughts and add to this list.