The Easter Bunny (my wife who loves me and knows I have a sweet tooth) brought me some candy this week. For the last few days it has sat on the kitchen counter beckoning me to eat more and more. At one point I actually found myself so absorbed in gorging on chocolate that I was hurrying through eating one piece of candy so that I could unwrap and eat the next.

That’s when it hit me. I realized the ridiculousness of it. I was shoveling down candy so fast that I wasn’t really enjoying it. I wasn’t savoring the taste or experience. I was just tearing through the candy like a Baptist at a pie eating contest, trading quality dining for quantity consumption.

This is the picture that pops into my mind when I think about relationships within the church. We do all the outward relationship “mumbo jumbo” without savoring the relationship. We know all the right things to say, the right questions to ask, and the right responses to give, but we never get past shallow conversation and into the meat of what makes a relationship real and meaningful.

We need to slow down and be more intentional in our interactions with one another.

Here are a few things to try:

1. Learn to listen
   I mean it, how often do we ask how someone is doing while passing by them in the hallway , never pausing to even hear the answer. Listening means stopping, looking a person in the eye, and actually listening to their response with anticipation. It also means letting a person finish their point before formulating a response, or interrupting all together. Many people hear, very few listen.
2. Talk to less people
   Yes, talking to less people will actually build community. When you are in a crowd get out of the “I have to talk to everyone” mentality. Focus on one person at a time. Take your conversation with the person in front of you as far as it will go before moving on to the next person.
3. Follow up
   How often have you talked to someone and said “I’ll pray for you”, then turned around and completely put it out of your mind? Or, how often have you talked to someone that is having a hard time but you have never followed up with them to see how they are doing? Make a phone call, send an email, launch a courier pigeon; whatever you have to do, follow up with people to show them that you care.
4. Actually care about other people
   You shouldn’t follow up with someone that you don’t even care about. So ask yourself, “Do I really care about the people around me?” If you do care about them, do you act like you care about them? Do you show them? Do you tell them?
5. Focus on others
   All of the above tips place the focus and importance on other people. We are tempted in conversations and relationships to be self focused, but that doesn’t develop a relationship, it makes people avoid you. Selfishness promotes isolation, selflessness promotes community. Which are you promoting?

Do you have anything to add to this list?

1. britt mooney Says:
   April 12th, 2007 at 12:43 pm

   only a Baptist could say, “like a Baptist at a pie eating contest.”

   Way to go, dude.

   peace.

2. Sola Gratia Says:
   April 13th, 2007 at 7:41 am

   6. Avoid Cliques – long-lasting friendships are great and a side benefit of building community, but don’t always talk (and sit with) just the same people every week.

   7. Talk with those that make you uncomfortable – I personally am guilty of always talking to the people that make me feel comfortable, that I find interesting. The funny ones, the entertaining and interesting ones, the (let’s own up, shall we?) popular and good-looking folks. Instead, I (and all of us) should be talking with those that make us uneasy. The older person who always complains of their ailments (and implicit loneliness, so that when anyone talks with them they have to spew out everything on their mind all at once, because they may not get another chance). The woman with her developmentally disabled son, AND HER SON. The guy that looks like he may be close to living on the street, if not already there. Our Lord did not hang out with the popular crowd, and neither should we.

   Great blog, great post – keep it up.