Community within the Church
A previous post sparked some good discussion about community within the Church. Here’s a quick recap:
My good friend d10 talked about the list of people that have stopped coming to church:
it seems a list would be unnecessary if relationships were critically central in a church. people wouldn’t slip through cracks like they often do. there’s very little that’s ever done for a person on a list that will engage that person in relationship.
My new friend (met through blogging) Bruce pointed out that maybe I should be asking why people are leaving church rather than focusing on whether or not we should use time and resources to get them back. He ended his comments by saying;
Why do people go to Church? The music? The preaching? The denomination? The doctrine? Perhaps. What most people are looking for is community. Relationship. And that is where we fail I am afraid.
This has gotten me thinking a lot about community within the Church. And I agree, we are failing. It pains me to say this, but most relationships within the church are superficial.
If you don’t believe me just think about someone within your church that you talk to every Sunday but never interact with throughout the rest of the week (except for Wednesday…maybe). Now that you have that person in your mind ask these questions, “what is (insert name here)’s dream?”, “what is God doing in their life?”, “what are they struggling with?” You can’t do it can you? The reason you can’t do it is because your relationship with this person isn’t deep.
And that is the crux of our problem, we create many relationships within the church, 98% of which are shallow relationships that only exist within the walls of a building. This is not community. I have a lot of thoughts on this that I will explore in future posts. But, for now, I would like to hear from you on this.
Why do you think that the natural relationships that develop within the church tend to be shallow and superficial?
March 20th, 2007 at 11:50 am
My two oldest sons and their families attend a 500+ member Church in the area. As rural Churches go, this is a pretty good size Church.
One Sunday, the pastor had the chairs moved and placed in such a way that everyone was facing someone else. Instead of looking at the back of someone’s head, you were forced to look at them face to face. You talk about uncomfortable and strained!
And he proved his point didn’t he? We really don’t know each other. As you said above we live in a superficial world.
I sit here today thinking, outside of family, how many real friends do I have? It is a short, short list. Far shorter than I suspect it should be.
I remember one Church we visited recently. Mennonite. Small Church with an elaborate leadership structure. We visited for six weeks. 3 times one of the pastors told us they were coming by to visit. Between visit 5 and 6 there was a 4 week span. So this pastor had almost 3 months to visit us. We specifically invited him to our home. Nothing ever came of it. We laugh about this “we can take the hint. we are not wanted ha. ha.” but it hurts after a while.
It seems that many Churches don’t understand that it is all about “people” In this post modern age we live in, most people don’t care what name is on the door. Those days are past. They are looking for authenticity and community. Why is it so hard for Churches to see this? Be real. Be open. Be honest. Love people for who they are and where they are.
Bruce
March 20th, 2007 at 11:54 am
Essentially, I would say that it is a matter of QUANTITY time. The church has bought into the worldly idea that QUALITY time matters, but that is only an excuse for bad parenting. You become who you most spend time with. Anyone can see this to be true … you don’t need statistics to even prove it.
Hebrews tells us to encourage one another daily and to not forsake the fellowship of believers, even more so as the Day approaches. It’s been two thousand years since then … the Day is definitely closer but we tend to spend less time with the Body than more.
We spend more time with people from work or old college buds or television and entertainment. Is it any wonder that those things affect our morals and priorities more than the Body of Christ can in an hour on Sunday morning?
The more time we spend with the Body of Christ, the more we will be like Christ. The bulk of this is just spending time and fellowshipping, eating meals together, real genuine stuff that makes everyday events opportunity to love on Jesus through loving on His Body. The teaching and discipleship will naturaly follow.
The twelve disciples spent every day, almost 24/7 with Jesus … but also with one another. Any wonder his last commandment was “love one another as I’ve loved you?”
peace.
March 20th, 2007 at 12:54 pm
“The twelve disciples spent every day, almost 24/7 with Jesus”
This is something that I was discussing with my wife just a couple of days ago. I doubt that Jesus stopped all of a sudden and said, “OK, guys, it’s time for our quiet time.” Even the teaching of Jesus took place in the context of His relationship with the twelve and in the context of everday life. In the Book of Acts, you see the same types of things happening in the early church. As far as only talking to people at church on Sundays and maybe Wednesdays…nail on head. But Adam and I have discovered that he and I attend the same church (his in GA, mine in NC)
March 20th, 2007 at 4:10 pm
I think the plain and simple truth is that people are afraid to get deep. They think if people knew things about them, who they really are and what they’ve done, they wouldn’t have anyone to talk to, or sit with, when in actuality, we all have things that we are not proud of and that’s what makes us human, and what connects us even more to the Body of Christ. The truth is that we all fall short and we all need Him.
I am a “talk to anybody and spill my guts” kinda gal… but not everyone is. I think that if more people knew the freedom of knowing others, and being known, community would be much deeper.
I am 100 times more likely to call my friends from church who know my “junk” when I need something than anyone else – even family. I think that’s what church is supposed to be – “doing” life together, not just doing Sunday morning together.
Something Bruce said, above, reminded me of a sermon my pastor gave a few years ago when he spoke on small groups – they put all the chairs in circles of about ten. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. I heard this story recounted in this year’s small group sermon (2 weeks ago, actually) and thought “how great to meet new people like that!” I am in the small minority, I’m afraid.
March 22nd, 2007 at 10:17 pm
One thing we could ask others to share with us and us with them is “Our Story.” One way to really connect with someone is to hear their story of how they came to faith in Christ. One other benefit of this is we may find someone who has been “playing the game” for many years but doesn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus, but would like to really understand how to know HIM.