10 Ways to Avoid Building Community Within the Church
March 21, 2007 :: Posted by - Adam :: Category - Community, Essential Reading
I read this post a few days ago and have been inspired to create a similar list about community.
Begin sarcasm…
- Keep conversations short.
You are busy, you have a lot to deal with in your life, if you talk to someone you might get close to them and that takes time and energy that you don’t have. Just keep it short and sweet, don’t bother talking about anything more than the weather. If you don’t know a person is hurting, then you don’t have to do anything about it. - Always sit in your “assigned” seat
By always sitting in the same seat you always sit around the same people. These folks know the deal, and stick to the appropriate 30 second conversations: weather, sports, how the new preacher is doing, etc. Also, this keeps you from having to venture out, meet new people, and possibly sit next to someone you aren’t familiar with. - Avoid new people
It’s one thing to deal with all the people that you already know at church, but it’s another to actually meet new people. Seriously, you aren’t good with names, you don’t have the time, or the energy, so just walk right past anyone you don’t know. After all, they won’t notice that you totally avoided them. - Come in late
Don’t overlook the beauty of this one. By coming in late you totally avoid even the 30 second conversations. And (bonus), you avoid the new people! It just makes life easier. - Leave immediately after the service (or early)
This has the same benefits as coming in late, with the added benefit of getting on the road more quickly to beat those other churches to eat. This way you get out of that crowded church building so that you can go sit with your people and eat a meal. If you add this method with the coming in late method you could go to a church for years and never meet anyone. - Be physically present but mentally absent
When talking to someone, pretend to listen by nodding your head and saying “uh huh” while you are really thinking about what show comes on TV later that night. Basically, just don’t engage anyone on any level. After all, you’re just there to put in your “time” and then get on with your life. - Don’t share a meal
If you goal is to avoid community, this step is of the utmost importance, don’t ask people to lunch! Sharing a meal is an intimate thing that creates deeper relationships. So, when someone asks you to lunch fake a stomach ulcer or something, just get out of it. - Stay very, very busy
The busier you are, especially on a Sunday, the less time you have to “deal” with people. In fact, attempt to be so busy that when speaking to someone you never even stop walking past them as you say hello. - Make your default response “everything is great”
People will always ask how you are doing. Make sure that you have your “default” answer ready so that when they ask you are ready to say, “everything is great!” This must be your default response, otherwise you might actually let on that your life is not perfect, or worse, that you are struggling. This colossal mistake could lead to deeper conversation and deeper relationship. If you are going to really avoid community while in church, this is probably your best weapon. - Don’t show up
This is definitively your best method of avoiding community overall because there is no community where there are no people.
Seriously…
Sadly, I see much of myself in these 10 things. As a minister I tend to fall into many of these habits because I am busy and because I feel like I need to talk to everyone. I also see this happen in the church every week.
How about you? Is there anything that you would add to this list?
Tags: Community
March 21st, 2007 at 9:23 am
You pretty much covered them all, and proved exactly what I was trying to say in my comment yesterday. I guess it’s one of those things you just don’t understand after you’ve stopped doing it, and you don’t get why other people still do. If people could just get a taste of what it’s like to have people in their lives that really do care, and know how it feels to care for someone else, these excuses would be a thing of the past. People might actually come early, ask others how they are doing and really want to know, share meals together, and make time to get together regularly so they can continue to build on those relationships. Once people start doing this, they will never be the same, and our churches will never be the same either.
Thank you for talking about these “tough subjects.” They are so important to the health of the church, and ultimately, the Kingdom.
March 21st, 2007 at 12:19 pm
[...] the rest of the list and Adams great commentary at 10 Ways to Avoid Building Community Within the Church [...]
March 21st, 2007 at 12:23 pm
Adam, great article! I’ve been guilty of every one of these at one time or another. This is a cautionary list that applies to every single member of the body.
March 21st, 2007 at 3:12 pm
[...] Another guy named Drew Goodmanson (whom I don’t know, but whose blog I frequent) posted the same link plus this one. [...]
March 21st, 2007 at 7:14 pm
excellent excellent post man
March 21st, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Another way to avoid being meshed and vibrant within the body of Christ.
Read the post above and just think of all the OTHER people who fit into the categories, reminding yourself that you won bible drill in 5th grade and have been on a mission trip qualifying you to do, act, and think as you please.
March 22nd, 2007 at 9:48 am
[...] askingY.com » 10 Ways to Avoid Building Community Within the Church Interesting post on how to avoid building community in a church. Unfortunately, I’ve seen these activities (and participated in some of them) all too often (tags: church community) [...]
March 22nd, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Great post.
And in the spirit of sarcasm (which I was opposed to until this post) I’d definitely add a couple of things.
Be suspicious of the church. After all, why would God want to use it to bless your life.
Furthermore, look for those only just like yourself. I mean, a “community” should be entirely homogeneous, right?
And finally, should we forget, come with an attitude of judgment, that way the message can be for “this community” not me.
Wow, better – end sarcasm – while I can
March 22nd, 2007 at 6:30 pm
Also, be sure to let all Chreasters* know that you would like to see them more as you laugh in their face with all your friends from the decorating committee thinking you are a funny one.
*Christmas and Easter only people (this term should probably never be used during the welcome on these two days)
March 23rd, 2007 at 11:53 am
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May 13th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
[...] Inspirerad av den listan har andra bloggare skrivit liknande listor. På askingY finns en lista på 10 Ways to Avoid Building Community Within the Church med favoriterna: Come in late Don’t overlook the beauty of this one. By coming in late you [...]
November 10th, 2007 at 2:09 am
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November 21st, 2008 at 4:36 pm
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